The Truth Behind Practice You Don’t See, And What to Do When Practice Really Is Missing
Parents say it every week:
“My child isn’t practicing.”
But is that true? Or is something else happening?
Often, the situation is far more complex, and far more hopeful, than it seems.
Let me start with a story.
When I Was Little, I Practiced in Secret
As a young perfectionist, I hated making mistakes in front of anyone.
If I practiced in the living room, I knew someone would comment, offer “help,” or try to jump in. They meant well… but it didn’t feel well.
I wanted privacy to figure things out.
I wanted space to sound bad before I sounded good.
So I practiced secretly in my room on a small keyboard, with headphones, until I was ready to play confidently in the living room.
My parents didn’t hear it, but the progress was happening.
Many kids are just like this.
Reason #1: Kids Don’t Want You to Hear Their Mistakes
Practice is messy. It should be messy.
A mentor once told me:
“If you sound good in the practice room, you’re not practicing.”
To a parent, this “messy” sound may feel like:
- Struggling
- Not improving
- Not practicing “correctly”
- Not knowing the music
To a teacher, it’s exactly what progress sounds like.
Many children hide their practicing because:
- They are perfectionists
- They fear criticism
- They don’t want unsolicited parent feedback
- They are emotionally sensitive or shy
- They want to impress you with the finished version
This doesn’t mean they’re unmotivated.
It means they’re human.
Reason #2: Practice Happens at Odd Times
Not all practice happens before dinner at the family piano.
Kids practice:
- in the morning before parents wake up
- after homework
- in short bursts
- while humming through their music in the car
- while tapping out rhythms at school
- on a keyboard or ocarina in their room
Parents may hear nothing.
Teachers see everything.
Reason #3: The REAL Question Isn’t “Did You Practice?”
It’s: “Are You Making Progress?”
Practice is a vector:
How far can I go in 30 days based on what I put in?
Teachers measure progress, not visibility.
If progress is happening, practice is happening, even if it’s quiet, private, or unconventional.
What Parents Should Do Instead
Instead of asking:
❌ “Did you practice?” (Kids hate this as much as parents.)
Try asking:
- “Show me your favorite part of your music this week.”
- “What part was the most fun?”
- “What did your teacher say you did well today?”
- “Teach me something from your lesson!”
Then check with the teacher:
- Are they progressing?
- At what rate?
- How much time is suggested for their level?
This builds partnership, not pressure.
BUT… What If They Really Aren’t Practicing?
There are times when kids truly may not be practicing, even privately.
When this happens, it’s rarely about laziness.
It’s almost always one of these:
1. The Child Has Lost Motivation, But NOT Interest in Music
Motivation drops when:
- they feel overwhelmed
- life gets busy
- school gets difficult
- they don’t feel successful
- they don’t feel “seen” in their music
What to do:
Help them FIND time, not “make time.”
Sit together and map out the week:
- 10 minutes before school
- 10 minutes after snack
- 10 minutes before bed
Children don’t naturally schedule themselves.
They need a scaffold, until they can eventually manage it independently.
2. They Want Something Different, Not “Less Music”
Kids sometimes lose motivation because they want:
- a new musical style
- a different teacher
- a different instrument
- a chance to be more creative
- a challenge or a change in pace
Just like sports:
A child may be athletic,
but soccer isn’t their game, basketball is.
Music is the same.
Switching instruments is not quitting.
It’s aligning the child with their musical identity.
3. They Need Community. Peers Who Make Music WITH Them
This is a game-changer.
Join:
- a band
- an ensemble
- a small group class
- a duet partner
- a choir
Peers do what parents cannot:
They create positive pressure.
They make accountability fun.
They create belonging.
They create momentum.
Kids practice more when someone their age is counting on them.
Many children begin practicing consistently only after joining an ensemble, not before.
Parents: Your Interest Matters More Than You Think
Children are exquisitely sensitive to their parents’ attitudes.
If a parent:
- complains about driving
- mentions the cost too often
- says music is “getting in the way”
- seems bored or distracted during practice
- talks more about sports than music
- asks, “Do you even WANT to do this???”
The child may say:
“I don’t want to do music anymore.”
Not because they don’t like music…
but because they feel they’re disappointing someone they love.
Sometimes, “losing interest” is actually:
💔 trying to remove a burden from a parent
💔 trying to avoid judgment
💔 trying to simplify the family schedule
💔 trying to keep the peace
This is why communication, real communication, is essential.
Ask your teacher:
- Is my child showing musical interest?
- Are they progressing?
- What support do they need?
- How can we work together to keep them growing?
The Truth About Practicing
Kids want to be successful.
They want to be good at things.
They want to feel proud.
They want to share music in a way that feels safe, exciting, and meaningful.
Sometimes practicing is private.
Sometimes practicing is invisible.
Sometimes practicing needs support.
Sometimes practicing needs a reset.
Sometimes practicing needs community.
But rarely, almost never, does a child truly want to stop making music.
They just need the right environment and plan to keep going.
Parent Next Steps
If you’re unsure, ask the teacher:
“What progress should we expect in the next 30 days?”
Then build a plan together.
Your child is not alone.
And you’re not either.
